The Tom Veitch Files

[margin, upper right, cropped: [uncertain: 11?]] Taking one of the [struck: invader’s] [inserted: warlord’s private] ships, they escape the planet, [struck: pursued by the invading] [struck: warriors, and] under fire and attack from the beast-riders and the city guns. (All this is duly noted by the Jedi they were following.) [margin, pencil: Vima + her master escape Onderon on the warlord’s private [uncertain: assault?] ship.] [margin, red, struck: [uncertain: Pursued by the [illegible] the warlord’s ships,?]] * The remaining brother(s) of the warlord are enraged. As they loot the treasure rooms of IzIz they declare a great bounty on the head of the old Jedi and the woman Jedi Knight. Some of their very best warriors go in pursuit of the old Jedi and his young apprentice. [margin, pencil: the warlord’s brother puts a huge bounty on Vima + her master] [margin, pencil: Vima, meanwhile pursues her new DLOTS to IzIz] * Last scene, the Jedi they were following to IzIz reveals (at least to the readers) that he is the new Dark Lord of the Sith. [inserted above “Jedi”: dark] [margin, red: in King Ommin’s lair with [struck: at the [uncertain: feet?] of [uncertain: Freedon Nadd?] with] Followers of Nadd] [margin, red: — and they [struck: bow] before him kneel.] * * * ISSUE #2 [margin, red: (This opening section could be better -- more action).] [margin, red: From [uncertain: consequences?] and we already are [uncertain: involved?] at the beginning of the story] * We cut to Ulic and his female cohort, some time later. Ulic speaks bitterly of the Jedi. His dialogue makes it clear that the Jedi are greatly weakened and disorganized after the destruction of Ossus. Ulic himself is unstable, ranting, almost pathological. Ulic’s woman has a strong attachment to him, and seems to be what is holding him together. [margin, red: Location: the planet Ossus -- {NESPIS VIII? [uncertain: Survey?] the ruins -- sees the old [uncertain: things?] half burned talks about Cay ... Finds a holocron ... Other Jedi are there sifting the ashes ... The Ysanna tribes are very [uncertain: proud?] to help. Ulic has B.H. business on Nespis [struck: VIII] ... [uncertain: trade?] w/ a group of BHS ... perhaps [struck: is] all in pursuit of Vima + Master the bounty has been advertised on TV.] [margin, bottom, pencil: Ulic speaks bitterly of the Jedi who have become weakened + disorganized after the destruction of Ossus — Ulic is unstable, almost pathological in his [uncertain: anger?] — His woman is holding him together]